Looking for a New Job

 I'm looking for a new job. Me and my current job are incompatible. I've known this for twelve years, but it's only now that I realise I've got to go.

"But Heidi," you say, "Don't you work at the library?"  

No. I do not. I haven't worked there for twelve years. I'm glad that's the image you see of me, for when I did work at the library, I loved it. I'm glad you think of me during a time when I was happy with my job.

So, what happened?

A library is run by the local government. At the time, I was hired by the library, and worked for the Directorate that runs the libraries. Then somewhere, certain someones decided libraries didn't need their own dedicated IT specialist (how wrong they were!), so my position was eliminated. Now that I look back, maybe it would have been a kindness to simply let me go and let me fend along a different path. Instead, I was transferred to the general IT Help desk up at Council. 

Boy, did I NOT fit there! Yet, I persisted, because I had schoolies at the time. The hours fit in with their schedule and it was a source of income. Ignore the fact that I'm not really an IT Professional, at least, not the way the position wanted, nor was this a job that could be done part-time, in a team that I never fit in with. A whole lotta other crap was also going on in this job.

Eventually, it all got to me. As the last of Their Ladyships grew up, I transferred to full time hours. While that solved a few issues, it created others. Also, being a local council, they have Many Issues. This is not unique to this particular council. Every council has a whole lotta issues. I'm surprised councils don't implode.

Two things happened that tipped me over into BEC territory: perimenopause and five weeks of Long Service Leave.

Perimenopause is like going through puberty backwards. Now I understand the fearlessness and lack of filter on middle-aged women. It's hormonal and unapologetic.

Long Service Leave. Now, I've had several bouts of LSL before. I usually took November off for NaNoWriMo, but treated it more like a mini-holiday.

Not this time. This time, I told myself I was going to spend those five weeks as a full-time professional in my real career. I spent those five weeks doing audiobook narration for a three-book epic Romantasy series.  Yep. I did it full-time and loved it. Deeply, madly.

I loved it. I loved it so much, when my LSL was over, I didn't want to go back to the Day Job. My love broke me. That was several months ago and I have not been the same since.

What on Earth am I doing working this IT Job when I should be doing something--anything--else?

Reasons I haven't quit the Day Job yesterday:

• After ten years, the Service Desk Team is actually a functional, non-toxic team. It's only been like this for the past two years. I really respect our excellent Team Leader. Supervisor one level up is also good. We've only had him a few years.
• They pay me money regularly. 
• It's geographically convenient.

The second point is really the main reason I stay at all. I can't just quit without some sort of alternative income. Lottery win would be nice. Sudden inheritance would be nice. Financial independence would be lovely. My real career actually turning a strong, steady income would be best, but we're not there yet, and won't be for a while. And as long as I have a Day Job, that while gets longer and longer. See, my real career depends on how many books you've got out there. The more books you have, and the more robust your marketing plan, the better you perform, financially. But writing takes time. I don't have time because I frickin' have to give it to the stupid Day Job!! I resent all the time it takes and the energy it demands.

I am willing to compromise on the third point as long as I'm not compromising too much on the other two points.

But yeah. I've had enough. I've been at this Day Job too long and need to move on.  Alas, I am not financially independent yet, nor have I been able to convince any university to take me on for a PhD (they come with a living stipend).

So, I'm looking for a new job. Been actively looking for a few months. Have had some interviews, but nothing has panned out. I shall continue to look, even though I don't know what I should be looking for. I only know what I'm NOT looking for.

Thank you for listening to my TED Talk on Fine Whine.