Finding the Strong Place

I'm religious. I make no secret of it, and I openly practice my faith. My faith and the beliefs I learn keep me strong in a drifting world. I'm glad I have this pillar of strength to cling to when the current fights against me.

This week I was saddened to hear about some (more) bad things happening to women (women-I-know and women-who-know-women-I-know).  One of the things that has saddened me is hearing about how prevalent sexual harassment is in Academia. Yes, it is prevalent. I've been a victim of harassment in academia during my undergrad studies. In fact, now that I think about it, I can't name a woman of my acquaintance who has ever said she's never been harassed. That's a sad symptom of a degenerate world.

One issue from Berkeley came to light this week about a supervising professor getting his widdle wrist slapped after four courageous women came forth about his ill treatment of them. Berkeley's response was not sufficient, according to the scientific community at large. However, before you go off and tar Berkeley with the yellow paintbrush of cowardice, please give them some credit for doing something, even if they are woefully out of practice in dealing with such things.

Much discussion online ensued.

In Academia, this sort of behaviour, for the most part, is ignored or even flipped against the victims. I hope it leads to more universities having the courage to call their harassers on their bad behaviour. The more they practice these actions, the better at them they will become.

I believe that leaving these harassers unchecked does more harm than good to our science communities. They chase away dozens if not hundreds of potentially strong talent. Those few who remain are hampered because they spend too much energy fighting harassment--energy that could be put to better use doing science.

If the universities think they are doing the better thing by not alienating their champion researchers, they are not. The scientific value of one sexual harasser, no matter how talented, will never outweigh the collective scientific value of all the victims he hampers or chases away. Never.

Part of the perpetual discussions on these and other issues, which always comes out when something like this happens, is how poorly women are still treated, even after two hundred years of feminism.

Yet women still stand up and say something, even when they are threatened with rape, violence and death.

A friend shared a scripture with me for ponderizing this week. It seemed very apt for those who dare to stand for righteousness in a world that would tear them down: Job 27: 5 - God forbid that I should justify you; til I die I will not remove mine integrity from me.

A few days ago I spent the weekend enjoying General Conference at church. One of the speakers, Russell M Nelson, gave a beautiful talk entitled, "A Plea to my Sisters"--"We need your strength, your conversion, your conviction, your ability to lead, your wisdom, and your voices."

How rare it is in today's world to hear such a powerful message from good men to women. Elder Nelson also quoted other men who share this same message: "President Packer declared, 'We need women who are organized and women who can organize. We need women with executive ability who can plan and direct and administer; women who can teach, women who can speak out. …

“We need women with the gift of discernment who can view the trends in the world and detect those that, however popular, are shallow or dangerous.'”

It is good to hear men, powerful men--leaders in their communities, utter these words in places where millions can hear them.

I wish more men would say such things more often. Men listen to other men. Until men, on the whole, learn to value and listen to women, perhaps they will listen to men like these.

The world can only be better for it.

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Her Grace is glad stuff like this gets preached openly in her faith.

A to Z Challenge: Forgiveness

I'm religious. I quite enjoy how my particular faith fills my life and gives me meaning, purpose and direction.

My faith has a lay priesthood, so every member is trained to be a leader. I like this method of leadership, because, on the whole, it makes us strong and capable as individuals and as a group. Currently, I serve as a teacher. One of my more powerful lessons is one I taught last year (or two years ago?) on Forgiveness. I thought I'd share bits of it again here, because not enough people in the world understand what forgiveness is or how to apply it.

Forgiveness is simply this: letting go of the negative feelings in your heart. And that's it. Nothing more.

Forgiveness is an individual practice that has nothing to do with other people.

The biggest mistake people make regarding forgiveness is thinking that it has something to do with other people. Often the negative feelings in our hearts have something to do with something someone else did to hurt us. But to let go of our negative feelings doesn't depend on other people.

People think that forgiveness means saying that whatever it is that someone did to us is like saying what they did is okay. It's not okay. Their actions, whether deliberate or accidental, caused you pain. Forgiveness is not excusing what they did or even giving it justification. Sin cannot be justified. The person who believes this will often say, "I can't forgive him," because they believe (erroneously) that to forgive is to give justification to the wrong that was done them.

Every time you use the word "forgive", try substituting, "let go of the pain" and see if your meaning shifts.

Forgiveness is letting go of the pain in your heart so you can progress. Holding on to the pain does not punish the other person, or even vindicate the wrong that was done.

Forgiveness has nothing to do with other people. It's all about you. The pain you feel hurts you, not them. Do not hold on to that pain.

To truly forgive is to let go of that pain. It does not eliminate justice, it has no bearing on the effects of another's sin on that other. They will have to deal with that, either through true repentance or consequences and punishment. And that will have to be between them and God (and their confessor and maybe the laws of the land).

Even if the one who offended you doesn't get brought to immediate justice, that doesn't mean you must continue to hold on to the pain. They will receive their just desserts sooner or later regardless of how long you are suffering. You hurting for five minutes or five years will not change the severity of what was done.

But you holding on to that pain will affect you, and not for the better. Why suffer longer than you need to? And the longer you hold on to it, the harder it will be to let it go, as it becomes familiar and a habit.

Forgiveness is letting go of the negative feelings in your heart. It's that simple. Not necessarily that easy. It takes practice.

Sometimes you can forgive for thirty seconds. Sometimes you can keep that negativity away for a short while. If you can do that, you've started on the road to permanent forgiveness. The longer you can let go, the better off you'll be. Get into the habit of releasing the negativity every time it tries to creep into your heart.

And creep back it will. Every time it does, push it away. You do not deserve to be unhappy, but happiness isn't granted. You've got to maintain it. The longer you work at releasing negativity, the easier it becomes. Eventually, you'll be able to forgive for thirty years. Or three hundred. Or permanently.

Letting pain settle in your heart as a permanent resident will hinder your progress through life.

Do not let your ability to let go of pain be dependent on the justice of whatever it was that brought you pain. Do not be deceived into saying, "I'll only forgive her after she apologises." "I'll only forgive them once the judge pronounces them guilty." If you do, you might be waiting an awfully long time.

Not forgiving will harm you spiritually, mentally and physically. It is in your best interest not to get tangled up in whatever grief you have been given.

Let it go.

You will be happier for it.

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Her Grace believes in Christ and the healing power of His Atonement. This belief gives her strength when she needs to forgive.